You can escape subjugation – and no, we’re not talking BDSM


subjugation

Subjugation sounds like a BDSM device set to the highest setting whilst being winched towards the ceiling by Dom Love-Pump. However, it is also a really important challenge many humans have and thankfully there are ways to escape its clutches!

Paul Martin is the Senior Psychologist at the Centre for Human Potential.

Do you often find yourself looking after everyone else’s needs but find yourself depleted and even resentful that no one seems to look after you? This ‘subjugation’ is a common experience for many people. It can impact negatively on relationships, friendships and dynamics in the workplace. It can result in a build-up of resentment towards those who don’t take care of your needs which can emotionally pull you away from them.

Some people subjugate only in certain contexts, for example, relationships or family. But they remain very clear and assertive about their needs with other people.

The first aspect of subjugation can be a difficulty in identifying what your needs are. Some people are so good at looking after everyone else. However, they never reflect on their own needs and so remain unaware of them.

Recognising your needs

If you do recognise your needs but don’t assert them, voicing them can prove challenging. Someone who has subjugation will sometimes unknowingly, train others to use them without consideration of their needs. This can be subtle and hard to pick. For example, you might respond positively to what everyone wants without considering if it works for them or not. If you do this often enough, people will come to see you as a great resource always available to them. It can appear that you are so strong yourself, you don’t have needs of your own. That, of course, is not true.

Subjugation usually begins in childhood where a kid is taught that their needs are not important. For example, for us in our LGBTIQ+ communities, our teen years can inflict the psychological training that leads to this happening.

It can be dangerous to be open about who you are and what is important to you at school and home for fear of rejection. Try to understand where your subjugation originated. Then spend time reflecting on your needs. Become aware of when you don’t voice what is important to you. Try to gradually increase the extent to which you voice your needs. Rather than immediately saying yes to people, try saying “let me think about that and I’ll get back to you.”

Practise saying no, and realise this will probably prove stressful. If you feel guilty and others react negatively to this new assertive you, you’re probably on the right track!

Seek help

If thinking about this issue is distressing, make sure you reach out for support. Finally, if you have a very strong response or this is a long-term central issue, you may benefit from seeing a psychologist such as the psychologists at Centre for Human Potential who have a lot of experience with our LGBTIQ+ communities.

This article is intended as information only and does not replace professional advice. If reading this triggers you in any way, please reach out for support including by phoning Diverse Voices (QLife) on 1800 184 527 or speaking to your GP about a Mental Health Care Plan.

For the latest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and queer (LGBTIQ) news in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.

QNews, Brisbane Gay, App, Gay App, LGBTI, LGBTI News, Gay Australia

No Comment

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published.