Utah Claims Man Can’t Marry Laptop Because ‘It’s Under Age Of Consent’


Anti-LGBT lawyer Chris Sevier is suing the state of Utah for the right to marry his Macbook

The Utah Attorney-General’s Office says it “does not compute” that a man has the right to marry his laptop.

Anti-LGBT lawyer Chris Sevier is suing the state of Utah for the right to marry his Macbook, claiming it is the same as any gay couple’s right to marry.

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Sevier, who has filed action on similar grounds in Texas and Kentucky, claims that because same-sex marriage is legal the state of Utah must also allow him to tie the knot with his computer.

The state responded to his lawsuit this week – explaining that his laptop is in fact under the age of consent.

Utah’s assistant Attorney-General David Wolf wrote: “Under Utah law, Sevier’s computer is not a party legally capable of entering into a solemnised marriage and cannot meet the consent requirement of the solemnised marriage statute.”

Asking the judge to dismiss the lawsuit so it could never be refiled again, Wolf also said Sevier’s laptop cannot give consent to marriage.

“Even if that were not the case, unless Sevier’s computer has attained the age of fifteen it is too young to marry under Utah law.

“Therefore, Sevier cannot satisfy even the most basic requirements for a valid marriage under Utah law. His factual allegations are not plausible, and his claims should be summarily dismissed.”

The state response also affirmed that same-sex marriage is not the same thing as marrying an inanimate object.

Sevier’s lawsuit had claimed he “was denied this dignity interest and turned away because his marriage request was outside considered morally repugnant and less valid than a woman’s request to marry a woman”.

The state of Utah argues that marrying a laptop computer is not a right protected by the Constitution and there is no substantive due process liberty interest in marrying an inanimate object.

Were any states inclined to allow mechanical matrimony, 2002-era laptops attaining the age of consent this year would include:

  • The Dell Inspiron 8200, featuring a Pentium 4 processor, 256MB of RAM and a 40GB hard drive, running Windows XP.
  • Apple’s PowerBook G4, with a 667MHz Motorola G4 processor, 256MB of RAM and a 30GB hard drive, capable of booting into either Mac OS 9 or 10.