Tractor porn a thing after MP pleads mistaken search


neil parish tractor porn

Tractor porn is the next big thing in bizarre sex after English MP Neil Parish claimed he only watched porn in the House of Commons following a Google search gone wrong.

The tractor porn saga began when a female Conservative minister and another unnamed MP said they saw a member of their own party watching porn on his phone in the House of Commons.

After he was outed, Neil Parish admitted he watched porn on his phone twice in the House of Commons. However, he pleaded innocence for the first incident claiming he mistyped a search term.

“The situation was that – funnily enough, it was tractors I was looking at. I did get into another website that had a very similar name and I watched it for a bit which I shouldn’t have done. But my crime – biggest crime – is that on another occasion I went in a second time.”

Purely in the public interest, I spent hours before writing this article searching for porn site names somehow suggestive of agricultural activity. But I could find no Tractorbate or PloughHub. Though in Neil Parish’s defence, uncouth rural types do sometimes describe sexual activity as ploughing. As in, planting the seed.

But the big concern here is that exposure of this tractor fetish might lead to a contagion. Don’t conservatives tell us that publicising gay sex leads otherwise straight youth into temptation? Surely it is the same with tractors. Once the idea is planted, young men all over the world will be considering farming implements with lustful eyes.

Of course, if the tractor is consenting, who could complain? A word of warning though. Always check before sticking your dick into a welcoming tractor exhaust that the tractor has cooled. You don’t want to end up at the emergency department saying ‘F_ck that tractor was hot’.

Parliamentary Prayer Room

In Australia, of course, MPs wishing to watch porn in the House can simply slip off to the Parliamentary Prayer Room and catch a live show. Not sure if it’s big enough to fit a tractor though.

Meanwhile, here’s some tractor porn I enjoyed.

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