This Christmas, we’re awash with dicks past present & future


dicks past present future steve-o harry jowsey
Images: Steve-O Twitter, Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, Harry Jowsey Twitter

With apologies to Charles Dickens, this Christmas sees us awash with dicks, past, present and future. First, Steve-O re-emerged from well-deserved obscurity. Grandad Jackass announced the launch of his own uncensored website. Then a guy in Florida caught with bags of meth and coke tied to his dick claimed the drugs weren’t his. Finally, reality TV star Harry Jowsey announced he will soon release hardcore content to Only Fans. Santa Claus is cumming to town.

Dicks of Xmas past: Grandad Jackass

Steve-O first came to public attention in the early 2000s Jackass TV shows and movies showcasing grown men pulling adolescent stunts for shits and giggles. He’s done everything from staple his scrotum to his leg to putting extra hot sauce up his butt (NSFW). Frequently nude in public, more people have seen Steve-O’s dick than Oprah’s Harry and Meaghan interview. And that’s despite it definitely not being on the list of man-made objects that can be seen from space.

But Steve-O has decided his penis is not yet suffering from over-exposure. So, at 47, like a crazy uncle shooting fireworks out of his arse at family parties, Steve-O has launched his own raunchy website, Steve-O Raw. (NSFW)

“I can see myself shoving some really funny stuff up my butt, but I’m not sure how sexy that will be.”

Not sure where he can go after fireworks, hot sauce and allegedly an Oscar statuette, but old Jackasses need to make a living too.

Dicks of Xmas present: free Xmas wrapping

While police frequently apprehend people with drugs concealed in bodily orifices, an offender in Florida this week attempted a different tack. Patrick Florence was arrested with two baggies strapped to his dick. One contained cocaine and the other methamphetamine.

According to the arresting officer, Patrick Florence “stated the package wrapped around his penis was not his.”

Which begs the question, how did someone tie drugs to his dick without him noticing?

Dicks of Xmas future: Harry Jowsey promises hardcore

Former Queensland-born reality TV star Harry Jowsey this week promised to release hardcore content on his OnlyFans page.

“At some point in my career, something is going to get leaked and I may as well do it before anyone else.”

Jowsey said he shot the footage already with an unnamed female co-star. The Los Angeles resident joined OnlyFans in February.

“I was always posting stuff like that on Instagram, regardless, and then I had a few Stories taken down. So, I was like, ‘Why don’t I just stop being a p_ssy, make the jump, make the transition to OnlyFans and be a little bit more curated?’

“We’re only going to be in this body once, we’re only going to be this age once. We may as well just get our meat out and have a great time.”

What a great Xmas for size queens. There’s big dicks every you look this festive season.

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