Last night, Channel 9 broadcast the annual Carols by Candlelight concert from Melbourne’s Sidney Myer Music Bowl. 10,000 people attended the venue while millions more tuned in on Nine. But the real action was on Twitter, where the bitches came out to throw shade at 280 characters a post.
Rapid-fire tweets took aim at everything that moved.
Earlier in the evening, a few nostalgic souls eagerly anticipated Denis Walter’s annual turn. However, others noted that while this year marks the 82nd annual event, Denis first performed back when Mary’s boy child was still a boy child.
Colonel Kickhead: “95% of the audience don’t know who the fuck you are and the other 5% were wheeled in here and don’t even remember who they are.”
The good colonel also commented on the night’s line-up.
“It might have been better to just not tell us who was coming up and instead just disappoint us gradually over the next three hours.”
The choice of songs also remained a bone of contention throughout the broadcast.
Michelle: “They need to rename this to Songs Loosely Associated With Christmas By Candlelight.”
Alison Langdon, co-host of Carols by Candlelight
Some viewers definitely knew what inspired co-host Alison Langdon’s Christmas cheer.
Tonight performance by Alison Langdon has been has bought to you by WestCoast Cooler
#CarolsByCandlelight pic.twitter.com/xDieHWH17W
— Ed (@terkey76) December 24, 2019
I wanna apologise to Allison Langdons kids. Mummy is not going to be in good shape for present opening tomorrow #CarolsByCandlelight pic.twitter.com/BigJIJ2g6w
— Camille G (@Cami181) December 24, 2019
Thoughts with everyone on this Christmas Day but mainly hoping Alison Langdon caught an Uber. #Christmas #CarolsByCandlelight https://t.co/AHOD95VgHu
— Neil McMahon (@NeilMcMahon) December 25, 2019
Tweeters knew what they wanted from Carols by Candlelight and were not slow to fire off a tweet when disappointed.
Channel Nine Producers: “How the fuck can we cram Keith from #TheBlock into this thing”….#CarolsByCandlelight…”Don’t worry, we’ve got this shit!”
— Colonel Kickhead (@colonelkickhead) December 24, 2019
I swear to god if I have to sit through 2 more hours of these shitty ads for “the experiment” for that shitty fucking married show i’m going to drink myself into a coma until boxing day#CarolsByCandlelight
— Mr. Dr. Tuk CPA (@EatPrayLoot) December 24, 2019
What the fuck are some of these songs? Apparently any mention of snow, trees, babies or holidays counts as a Christmas song. #CarolsByCandlelight
— Kat (@katjhammo) December 24, 2019
Carols by Candlelight is all about Anthony Callea
Tweeters knew what they wanted from Carols by Candlelight.
PieHarpist: “The wait for AnthonyCallea is getting more urgent each act. Please, we need talent.”
The Twitterati believes Carols by Candlelight should celebrate the real meaning of Christmas — the worship of Anthony Callea.
Apparently Anthony is the only reason to take an interest in the event, because:
- He is the only Aussie who can sing. (No matter who sings at Eurovision, Anthony was cheated.)
- You never know what he might wear.
- Every year his microphone gets bigger and blingier.
But when Anthony finally arrived, tweeters were unsure of his clothing choices.
When you have have karate at 5 but carols at 6 #CarolsByCandlelight pic.twitter.com/sE3Lrk1w6b
— Em. ❀ (@Emmajanex_) December 24, 2019
#CarolsByCandlelight
Deleted scene from “The Rise of Skywalker”. pic.twitter.com/nnLBaYTDvA— aardvark4lunch (@aardvark4lunch) December 24, 2019
Who wore it better #AnthonyCallea #CarolsByCandlelight pic.twitter.com/JWykf0hFBA
— robert. (@FierceRobert) December 24, 2019
Jack Vidgen at Carols by Candelight
Earlier Jack Vidgen made his own attempt at sartorial elegance.
@JackVidgen Quickly becoming an Australian fashion icon#CarolsByCandlelight #americasgottalent champions Jan 2020 #Eurovision Australia decides Jan 2020 pic.twitter.com/fkhSSGMLAZ
— Alan (@Marajax) December 25, 2019
But you can’t please all the people, all the time.
Jack Vidgen: “Watch me camp up #CarolsByCandlelight“…..Anthony Callea: “Hold my beer Jack”
— Colonel Kickhead (@colonelkickhead) December 24, 2019
Anthony’s decision to sing something from The Lion King also caused controversy.
Watching #CarolsByCandlelight, Anthony Callea starts singing ‘He Lives In You”
Me: What the hell does that have to do with Christmas?
Mum: He’s Anthony Callea, he can do what he fucking wants and you will shut up!— localaussietrashcan but festive (@uttertrash_jpg) December 24, 2019
At least, Marina Pryor got off lightly this year. Apparently, one traditional Carols by Candlelight drinking game involves skulling a shot every time someone walks in the room and remarks on how much work she’s had done.
However, this year some grim humour focussed on a well-intentioned but unfortunate choice of words on her part.
My favourite part of carols by candlelight so far is Marina Prior telling people to raise their candles for those affect led by bushfires. Candles. For a fire. #CarolsByCandlelight
— Char (@universe93) December 24, 2019
Anyway, all the performers donate their talents to raise money for Vision Australia who assist kids with low vision and their families. Thanks to all the performers and let’s hope they raised a tonne of money.
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