That’s not the Queen – the Craig Kelly Christmas Message


craig kelly christmas message

Every year, old folk around the British Commonwealth look forward to a time-honoured end of year tradition – the Queen’s Christmas Message. But this year the old girl got ambushed by the United Australia Party with the Craig Kelly Christmas Message.

Call me slow, but it took me a while to catch on. There was the anthemic music and the obligatory Christmas tree. But what was wrong with Her Majesty? I’d read Lizzie had a tough year. Her husband died. Prince Andrew may as well have. The Suffolks grabbed headlines while Kate took to sequins like a drag queen to… um… sequins. But gee, Her Madge looked bloody awful.

I might have twigged if I’d turned the sound on. But I was busy. Busy scrutinising the background for hidden messages. You know – the hidden easter eggs Elizabeth II apparently plants on the set of the annual message no one ever paid attention to until 1992.

That was the year Her Majesty uttered the immortal phrase ‘annus horribilis’.

“1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an annus horribilis.”

Meghan and Harry

Anyway, I thought I was onto something – not a pic of Meghan and Harry to be seen. But none of the rest of the family either.

Then, I turned the sound on.

Craig Kelly!

The dude who posts old newspaper clippings of the UAP winning elections without mentioning it’s a totally f_cking different UAP.

How stupid do this mob think we are?

That was the Craig Kelly Christmas Message, not the Queen’s. And the UAP is not the UAP.

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