RPDR Down Under Episode 3 Rucap: Who the F*ck is Alexis?

RPDR Down Under

Well, it’s another week and that means another episode of RPDR Down Under for us to screech into our wine over. There’s a lot to cover, so let’s get cracking, because well, we’re not here to fuck spiders.

Scroll down for Coco Jumbo video interview

Putting the pain of last week behind them, the queens head back to the workroom. While everyone quietly mourns a talented queen gone too soon, Karen from Finance quietly pisses herself with delight at the departure of her greatest threat. Meanwhile Coco Jumbo is living for the fact she gets to live another day, the Queen Slayer has arrived, let her stay!

It’s time for another obscure mini-challenge dredged from the pits of obscurity. What’s more Aussie than a beach action skit derived from a US show about fake boobs and beaches? That’s right, this one.

Is it ridiculous? Absolutely. Are we laughing? We’re pissing ourselves darl.

RPDR Down Under quick drag

Frocked up in their best Baywatch-inspired quick drag the queens smash it out in their best Pamela-inspired outfits as they bounce across the faux beach. The goal, be ridiculous, and they are. Clear standouts Scarlett and Elektra take the cake as they knock this one out of the park. A challenge that required cheap drag and a bad wig, are we surprised Elektra rose to the challenge?

The prize for winning? Picking the teams for this week’s Maxi challenge. A great advantage? Or missing out on that gift certificate to somewhere obscure? Well, Scarlett is happy anyway and it’s clear she’s got her eye on this one. Deliberately through the selection process, Scarlett has only one criterion, not Maxi. Maxi on the other hand, “couldn’t give a rat’s arse.” Well perhaps if she knew what was to come Maxi might have reconsidered that view.

Again our guest judges are presented to us from afar. It’s becoming clear week to week that no one is keen on doing a two-week hotel quarantine in New Zealand for a day on the set of Drag Race. Greeting the queens via video message Leland, who apparently writes songs joins Troy Sivan who actually sings songs. Troy treats the queens by providing them with our second best line of the season “big bottom bareback bottom raw-dog bottom bitch.” In what context? Who knows, I was too busy looking at him.

Now, it’s time to sing. Because the essential skills all drag queens need to succeed include writing a personalised verse to a pre-corded pop track, circa girl group trash 1990. Smashing it together with some basic choreography and lip-syncing it against another team in a tiny studio in New Zealand. This is probably top of the list of essential skills a drag queen does not need, but hey, we’re here for it, dance bitches dance!

The queens head straight to the recording studio, which is actually the main stage, because, Budgets. Michelle Visage pits the queens to the test and by test we mean, a grilling by an 80s pop star with more patience than Leonardo Decaprio waiting for an Oscar. It’s Elektra’s group up first and things look good, mostly. Elektra’s lines are probably funnier than they intended, Kita Mean drops a line about overdosing and honestly, she could have done better. White girl Karen successfully pulls of rapping like white girl Karen and Maxi’s performance screams “You in danger girl!” Over and over and over and over again. Meanwhile, Michelle searches for the nearest blunt object to take her out of her misery as Maxi commences her 65th take. Before Michelle can succeed, we’re saved, enter Team Scarlett.

Etcetera and Scarlett are both clearly a force to be reckoned with. However, both are forces that don’t want a bar of each other’s input on this challenge. Differences aside this team cruises through until it comes to a crashing halt with Coco. Determined and sassy Coco is ready to sing, Michelle however is not ready for Coco to sing. 14 days in hotel quarantine seems like a breeze compared to the apparent 14 hours it takes Coco to record her verse.

Dance rehearsals for both teams go about as well as the recording session. The alphas dominate while the others are happy for anything as close to a box step as they can get. Lack of confidence is palpable on the tiny stage as both teams wonder if they can pull off a UK top 40 hit or be relegated to depths of the charts with Nikki Webster’s greatest hits album.

RPDR Down Under: the note

Back in the workroom, it’s all stations go, until Etcetera needs to borrow some of Coco’s makeup. It wouldn’t be a workroom scene without drama now, would it? What’s the tea? What’s happening? A note!? A note you say? Yes, a note! Hidden amongst the depths of Coco’s glitter and eye shadow is a piece of paper proclaiming “WATCH OUT!” A threat? A warning? The title of an upcoming drag queen horror film due for release at the end of the season? Who knows? No-one, because no-one fesses up and we’re left with Coco’s deduction that it must be Art’s parting gift. But honestly, if it was Art surely it would be written in tears or blood?

Main stage performances of the song crack on in much the same manner as we’ve come to expect. Queens who struggled likely didn’t sleep in their hotel rooms, opting instead to rehearse until their dying breath ensure that the performances are never all that bad. Maxi’s “Look mum! I’m a caterpillar” dance routine on the floor saves her from any real effort, while Coco still manages to visibly suffer. And so, ‘Queens Down Under’ writes itself into the history books as one of the least memorable main stage songs in the franchise, after whatever they made us sit through for the All-Stars 4 finale.

RPDR Down Under: Bogan Prom Realness

“Bogan Prom” is this week’s theme and before the queens even walkout, we’re gagging. So begins a parade of Cigarettes, mullets, goon bags, and poor life choices reimagined before our eyes. Overall the queens don’t miss much, largely there’s some confusion between 80s realness and Bogan prom. Let’s be honest, it’s easy to confuse the two.

Before the main stage critiques, Ru announces our safe queens. For the third week running Etcetera Etcetera is in the clear, coasting straight to the comfort of the workroom to watch on. Just as we can be sure Etcetera will be safe, it was a sure thing that this was Scarlett’s week. Her picturesque goon sack dress, complete with full functioning goon bag handbag and ‘pack a durries’ necklace won the moment she stepped on stage. Ru announces her the winner and crowns her… a gift certificate for some prosthetics… which is 0% of the prize money for anyone playing along at home. But hey, at least now she can pull off her best Nicole Kidman realness.

Anita continues to give us life with her gap-toothed realness, while Kita Mean almost takes out both our eyes with her Fluro fantasy, keeping them both safe. Not before Ru drops another head-scratcher. Giving her apparent praise, Rupaul claims Kita looks at her with a “weird cross-dressery look.” Cut to laughs and everyone moves on.

Equally awkward are the critiques, Maxi is read for a bit of everything, ‘look mum I’m a caterpillar!’ Meanwhile, Elektra cops criticism for taking the lead and forgetting about her team. Since when is being Beyonce a bad thing? Poor Coco is left once again to lip sync for her life, this time against Elektra and we all know where this is headed.

Coco takes to the stage and looks like she is living her BEST life, regardless of her performance she can’t stop smiling. Elektra however has decided it’s time to impregnate the floor. Again and again, she drops the splits while Coco’s ‘bitch I ain’t doin’ that’ routine is just as strong. Ultimately it could go either way but it’s Coco’s time to Sashay Away.

Again it’s the workroom exit that leaves the impression as Coco reflects. “It was really great getting to know Kita and Anita and Alexis…”

Alexis? Girl. Who the fuck is Alexis?

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Michael James
Michael James

QNews, Brisbane Gay, App, Gay App, LGBTI, LGBTI News, Gay Australia

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