Republican smears Pete Buttigieg with fake facts in obscene rant


Pete Buttigieg Don Boys gay sex
Don Boys Image: Facebook

In an obscene rant against Pete Buttigieg, the first openly gay man to run for the US presidency, an Indiana Republican made up his own facts. Don Boys quoted unsourced statistics and tarred Buttigieg by association with niche sexual activity.

Boys, a former Republican member of the Indiana House, wrote a blog post titled, Pete, since you brought it up, how ‘gay’ are you?

Trigger warning: lots of made up shite ahead.

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“All homosexuals are aware that their lifespan is about 20 years less than for normal people,” he wrote, “so voters should know that a homosexual president may not live to finish his term.”

A. BS. 20 years shorter? Honey, I’ve been 37 for over two decades now. Some of we LGBTIQ folk lie about our age.

B. WTF is ‘normal people’?

You?

Boys says, “I don’t hate Pete, but…”

He goes on to interrogate South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg on various sexual practices. He includes unsourced and, I would think, wildly inaccurate statistics in the course of his homophobic diatribe.

  1.  “Studies show that almost all homosexuals practice oral sex and about half ingest semen.”
  2.  “About 23% of gays (according to the largest study ever conducted) participate in golden showers.”
  3.  “Will Pete repudiate the 41% of gays who practice fisting?”
  4. “Will Pete repudiate the 90% of gays who practice rimming?”

Throughout my life, I made strenuous efforts to conduct very thorough and scholarly research into sexual activity.

Well, about the same effort Boys made.

I watched a lot of porn, an awful lot.

Purely from academic interest, of course.

Now sex in porn is like a car chase in a movie. It is spectacle, so it is exaggerated. In real life very few people change position every 2 minutes or fornicate in reverse cowboy position in supermarket shopping aisles.

Even fewer come across 15 other people wanting to have a no holds barred orgy while visiting the car wash.

Did I say, ‘come across’? I meant… oh, never mind…

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In a world awash with porn, the producers need to provide the viewers with more and more ‘out there’ content.

Yet, I doubt that anywhere near half of gay porn movies show men ingesting semen.

Certainly, golden showers are a niche market for the porn industry.  They feature in a very small percentage of gay porn films.

Again, nowhere near 23%.

41% of gays practice fisting?

Dear Don Boys,

Some gays do fist. Their business. Not yours! But 41 percent?

And 90% rim?

I don’t know how many people actually lick arses, but this guy is talking out of his.

Boys also claimed that gays, “use carrots, bottles, flashlights, (even gerbils!) or other objects often requiring a trip to the hospital for removal.”

I have read of isolated incidents which necessitated medical assistance to remove various objects from vaginas and rectums. However, to the best of my knowledge, none of my many gay acquaintances ever figured among those numbers.

I can say with certainty not one friend ever rang me and said, “Can you come and support me at the hospital while I have a gerbil removed?”

If they had, I would say so.

FFS, I would tell everyone. “Did you hear…”

I have occasionally related a rather amusing story concerning a friend and a cucumber. The story gets better every time it’s told. I think the cucumber was a gherkin on the first telling, but those things get bigger during sex. Or at least when talking about sex.

Like the statistics provided by Don Boys in his little blog post attacking Pete Buttigieg. Boys obviously regards Buttigieg as a serious threat to Donald Trump.

Truly, it’s appropriate when friends describe Don as Good Ole Boys because Don Boys is surely one of those ‘Good Ole Boys’.

Just stop it Don. You’ll go blind.

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