Protecting kids from the left: wanking near school

Randy Kaufman wanker

They just never stop. The gun-toting, god-fearing, holier-than-thou, right is might, Trump-loving MAGA wankers of the far-right reliably prove to be the biggest sinners of all. Take Republican candidate Randy Kaufman. Stated goal: protect kids from the progressive left. Latest news: caught wanking near a pre-school.

A Maricopa County police officer became concerned earlier this month when he noticed a car parked across three spaces with a shade screen across the windscreen. He said when he approached the car, he saw Kaufman with his pants mid-thigh exposing his erect penis.

Randy Kaufman was parked under 60 metres from a preschool. The officer said he noticed children enjoying outdoor activities in the playground. He recorded his conversation with the MAGA masturbator in his police report.


Officer: I saw you had your phone out while you were doing what you were. What was going on with the phone?

Kaufman: I was watching porn.

Officer: What kind of porn were you watching?

Kaufman: Interracial porn.

Officer: When you look around here what do you see?

Kaufman: The child center but I didn’t notice it until you came up and I got out of my truck. Are you going to put that in a report?

Officer: Don’t you see how alarming that is? That there are children nearby, people passing on bikes and In cars where they can look and see what you are doing?

Kaufman: “I f_cked up.”

Randy Kaufman removed his Facebook profile post-arrest but he previously posted that he wanted ‘our children protected [from] the progressive left’.

In other posts, he ranted about ‘baby-killing leftists’.

“Nothing is more important than standing against the Godless/progressive/left-wing/socialist/marxist/communist/ Democrat Party Movement to destroy America.”

However, nothing about public wanking.

The Trump supporter since suspended his campaign for the Maricopa County Community College Governing Board. However, the local Election Department said it was too late to remove his name from ballot papers.

Jesus once said, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a Trump fan to get his hand off his dick.”

Or something like that. 👐⚓💦

Also: Tom the Whistleblower outed over outing parliamentary wanker.

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Destiny Rogers

Destiny Rogers embarked on her career in the media industry immediately after high school, initially joining Mirror News, which later evolved into News Ltd. She fondly recalls editing Ian Byford's 'Passing Glances: A History of Gay Cairns' as one of her most fulfilling projects. Additionally, Destiny co-researched and co-wrote 'The Queen's Ball', chronicling the history of the world's longest-running continuous queer event. Her investigative work on the history of Australia's COON Cheese and Edward Coon culminated in the publication 'COON: More Holes than Swiss Cheese', a collaborative effort with Dr. Stephen Hagan. Destiny's journey at QNews began as a feature writer, and she was subsequently elevated to the role of Managing Editor of QNews Magazine in 2018. However, in July 2022, she decided to resign from this role to refocus on research and feature writing. For contact, please reach out at

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1 Comment

  1. Peter Turner
    25 October 2022

    It is always the same. The one’s who profess their Christianity so fervently in public discourse are the very same ones with all of the skeletons in their closets.
    Wanking anywhere near a pre-school is a disgusting act. Of course, he being who he is , no arrest appears to have been made.

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