Pornhub introduces Bonerless Bathing Suit – FAIL!

Pornhub this week launched a limited edition ‘Bonerless Bathing Suit’. The adult entertainment website claims the boardies will spare embarrassment to those who suffer unwanted erections at the beach.

“Whether it’s the swarms of half-naked bods, a warm breeze catching you just the right way, or simply because your little buddy’s got a mind of his own.”

Pornhub Bonerless Bathing Suit erection

After a look at the bone ugly Bonerless Bathing Suit, we know why they are a ‘limited edition’.

Hopefully the company only made as many as they needed to shoot the equally unimpressive promotional video.

We’ve attached the video to this article but implore you not to watch it.

Watch grass grow, paint dry or even the Drag Race reunion show… but do not watch this video.

It goes way too long. It features a lame faux Beach Boys soundtrack. If you watch in the hope that a leading porn site would include some sexiness — think again.

Bonerless Bathing Suit

“Inconvenient hard-ons, we all get ’em sometimes,” claims Pornhub.

Well, no actually. People with penises may suffer inconvenient hard-ons. However, from the preponderance of ads for erectile dysfunction medication, we imagine inconvenient soft-ons are a bigger problem.

The promotional material bemoans the lack of solutions for hiding erections.

“A pair of tight undies… can keep you from arousing any suspicion until your arousal has passed.”

So apparently, Pornhub invented something superior to a pair of tight undies.

“Pornhub’s patented Bonerless Technology will stop the tide.”

What is the incredible erection-killing patented Bonerless Technology?

“An inner layer of form-fitting material.”

It’s a pair of tight undies! Hidden by an ugly pair of boardies.

Pornhub Bonerless Bathing suit erection
Patented Bonerless Technology.
Image: Pornhub

The boardies cost over $100 Aussie dollars and come with a Pornhub logo so everyone at the beach will know you’re hiding a boner.

It’s a bit like wearing a t-shirt that absorbs marijuana odour with ‘420’ emblazoned across the front of it.


QN Magazine | For the latest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and queer (LGBTIQ) news in Australia, visit Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

Doug Worthington

QNews, Brisbane Gay, App, Gay App, LGBTI, LGBTI News, Gay Australia