Peter Dutton defends Australia from woke morning teas

peter dutton woke morning teas
Image: Twitter

Australian Defence Minister Peter Dutton last week took garrisoning the nation to new heights as he launched into battle against woke morning teas. 

As Australia plots its way into an uncertain future, Dutton took steps to ensure our federation will not falter before legions of colourfully dressed coffee drinkers.

Certainly, the defence of our Commonwealth faces challenges.

The world continues to battle the worst global health crisis in a century. As the recent crisis in India demonstrates, we can not yet assume success.

In our region, the communist Chinese regime to our north is headed by probably the most authoritarian and expansionist leader since Mao. Currently busy obliterating democracy in Hong Kong, Xi Jinping will no doubt eventually attack Taiwan.

We also just witnessed the worst violence in years in the ongoing dispute between Israel and the subjugated Palestinians.

Who knows what assistance the US can render allies? The world’s greatest superpower is currently battling twin pandemics of COVID and mass right-wing hysteria.

Meanwhile, ten days ago the largest iceberg in the world broke off from the Antarctic ice shelf. It covers an area of 2,575 square kilometres. Climate change deniers may shriek all they like (and they will). But, across the globe, pragmatic defence planners continue to make contingency plans for future conflicts triggered by preventable changes to our planet.

No doubt, we will face other unanticipated challenges in the months and years ahead.

Peter Dutton bears responsibility for preparing Australia for all these contingencies. But last week, he focused his energies on stopping people wearing colourful clothes during their morning breaks.

Woke morning teas

Earlier this year, a circular encouraged defence staff to mark IDAHOBIT Day by wearing visible rainbow clothing or ally pins to morning teas.

Noone foresaw at the time that such an action might render Australia vulnerable. Few even considered that enemy minds immeasurably less woke than our own, regarded our morning teas with battle-ready eyes. And slowly and surely, they drew their plans against us.

“The chances of anyone coming during morning tea are a million to one,” we said.

But not Peter Dutton.

“A million to one, but still they come.”

(Apologies to H. G. Wells and Jeff Wayne)

Our enemies could catch us with our 5G repelling pants down. Our rainbow scarves might make us an easy target.

The supposedly woke morning teas were intended to show support for LGBTI colleagues, friends and family in the Australian defence forces — to stand against prejudice and discrimination, and demonstrate inclusion. But Peter Dutton apparently believes qualities such as inclusion and diversity threaten the defence of the nation.

He ordered defence force chief Angus Campbell to issue a new note demanding that such events no longer occur.

Minister for culture wars

Critics immediately dubbed him the ‘minister for culture wars’ and he copped something of a shellacking on social media.

WTF is woke anyway?

Woke seems to be tossed around these days as a slur against anything Right-Wing Social Justice Warriors take exception to. So WTF is woke?

Some trace the term right back to supporters of Abraham Lincoln and the Wide Awakes movement opposed to slavery.

Various African-American songwriters and authors used the term throughout the 20th century in reference to staying informed or aware. More recently Black Lives Matter activists used the word to describe political and social awareness.

However, as they so often do, Right-Wing Social Justice Warriors weaponised the word as a bomb to throw at anything hinting at racial or social justice.

Screaming ‘Go woke, go broke’ is so much easier than mounting a cogent argument against social reform. But then dinosaurs probably also grunted loudly and impotently as the Cretaceous period ended and they were consigned to a fossilised history.

Bored? Don’t have a life? Wondering what to do while you await the end of the world? Fill in time with our Peter Dutton Cross Words crossword.

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Destiny Rogers

Destiny Rogers embarked on her career in the media industry immediately after high school, initially joining Mirror News, which later evolved into News Ltd. She fondly recalls editing Ian Byford's 'Passing Glances: A History of Gay Cairns' as one of her most fulfilling projects. Additionally, Destiny co-researched and co-wrote 'The Queen's Ball', chronicling the history of the world's longest-running continuous queer event. Her investigative work on the history of Australia's COON Cheese and Edward Coon culminated in the publication 'COON: More Holes than Swiss Cheese', a collaborative effort with Dr. Stephen Hagan. Destiny's journey at QNews began as a feature writer, and she was subsequently elevated to the role of Managing Editor of QNews Magazine in 2018. However, in July 2022, she decided to resign from this role to refocus on research and feature writing. For contact, please reach out at

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