Is anal sex bishop talking out of his bum?

anal sex bishop

Recently infamous anal sex Bishop Neophytos now faces an accusation he faked a letter from academics supporting his asinine utterances. Back in June, His Eminence Metropolitan Neophytos of Morphou claimed that

  • international cyberbullying
  • parental ‘passions’ pass on demons to children
  • martyrdom for Christian homosexuals who ‘do not do it!’
  • homosexual stench
  • academic denies signing letter of support

I honestly thought twice before resorting to ridicule of Bishop Neophytos.


Afterall, statements such as his are undoubtedly harmful.

But when a person of authority carries on like a character in a Monty Python comedy skit, the temptation to mock can prove difficult to resist.

Anyway, I was spared the indulgence.

No one could make this man appear any more ridiculous.

Anal sex causes gay babies

In June, video surfaced of the bishop speaking at a primary school.

In his speech he explained where gay babies came from.

Homosexuality “is a problem, which is usually transmitted by parents to the child…

“It follows an unnatural sexual act between the parents.

“To be more clear, anal sex…

“When the woman enjoys that, a desire is created, and then the desire is passed on to the child.”

Following the resulting furore, the bishop defended himself in a post on the Church of Cyprus website.


The post claimed martyrdom for the “international cyberbullying”  endured by ‘the most respected Neophytus’ following his speech.


“The words of His Holiness were distorted by the Journalists and all the enemies of the Church.”

Apparently detractors failed to note his use of the word ‘usually’.

He used that word to indicate that homosexual offspring do not inevitably result from their parent’s passion for sodomy.

It happens ‘often’ but not ‘always’.

Glad we cleared that up.

Though it may lead to whisperings and finger-pointing at Cypriot PFLAG meetings.


The bishop lists a number of parental ‘passions’ which result in a troubled spiritual inheritance.

“Bloodthirsty, Gastrointestinal, Greed, Drug Addiction, Kleptomania, Pride, etc.”

“When parents have some passions, their passions… have the corresponding response from the Spirit of God to the child.

“The corresponding demons, who “specialize” in those passions… also settle into the lives of their children.

“But one might wonder, ‘If a child acquires a passion, such as pride, or homosexuality, or greed, or sexism, because of his or her parents, then what is the significance of free will?’

“As we have said, although this usually happens, it is NOT a rule.

“Having a child with birth defects (mental or physical) does NOT mean that they cannot be overcome with their free will, and with the help of doctors, mental or physical.

[John Cleese should interrupt about now banging on about a dead parrot.]

Homosexual odour

Neophytos also spoke of holy men identifying homosexuals by the foul stench emitted by their sins.

However apologists for the bishop explained he did not mean homosexuals suffered from ‘poor personal hygiene’.

Rather, they said, he spoke in a ‘spiritual sense’.

So apparently holy men can sniff out homosexuals by their non-existent body odour.

Ah yes. It’s all making sense now.

What was it Monty Python said?

“He’s not the Messiah – he’s a very naughty boy.”


“Blessed are the cheesemakers.”

Anal sex bishop not homophobic

The article denies any homophobia on the part of the bishop.

“Certainly the Journalists and the enemies of the Church, wanted to portray him as homophobic.”

“But anyone who hears the context of the bishop’s words will find that he also speaks of “Christian homosexuals” and even calls them “great martyrs” when they suppress desire and do not do it!”

“We have in the Church great figures who have fallen of grace…

“We have murderers, homosexuals, prostitutes, robbers, and all sorts of people, who in their struggle overcame their passions.”

There you go.

He’s not homophobic.

He just wants homosexuals to STOP DOING IT! and equates them and sex workers with murderers.

The letter

When Cypriot authorities announced an investigation into the bishop for hate speech, he posted a letter to the church website.

38 academics from around the world, all possessing Greek names, apparently signed that letter.

Their academic pursuits vary: dentistry, engineering, medicine, economics, theology…

“The Bishop of Morphou gave a possible scientific explanation of homosexuality without offending individuals.

“For the church, all individuals are pictures of Christ therefore holy and beloved.

“Sin however is not acceptable because it destroys a person.”

However, Alexandros Kapsokavadis, a music lecturer listed as a signatory, categorically denied signing the letter.

“What business do I have to publicly express my opinion over matters of the church?

“What would the church care for my opinion anyway?

“Since when would I ‘support’ a man that I haven’t even heard of!”

An investigation by the Cypriot police into whether the bishop’s statement were hate speech is set to conclude this week.

No doubt we will hear more of ‘His Holiness’.

A medical conference with him and the sperm-eating anal worm’s Dr. Mariam Al-Sohel sharing their combined knowledge of all things anal would be jolly good fun.

It’s probably as close as we’ll get to a Monty Python reboot.

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