I Touch Myself: Courtney triggers cranky farts on NYE ABC

NYE ABC triggered the hell out of entitled and privileged cranky farts. The presence of divas Casey Donovan and Courtney Act proved particularly triggering, especially the latter’s rendition of the Divinyls classic ‘I Touch Myself’. 

Once they ruled the world. Now, hearing a song they don’t know triggers them. Diversity of any variety provokes their inner doomsday prepper. How they yearn for the days when men were men and women knew their place as barrel girls.

I don’t know what I enjoy more about NYE ABC. Watching the show itself or listening to the anguished wails of doomed troglodytes.

The night started with a kid’s segment, and oh, how they howled about not getting it. It wasn’t for you, dipshits! (Secretly though, and admittedly, I am of boomer age, the recorder triggers me. That is not an instrument unless, perhaps, a squalling, squawking, satanic instrument of torture.)

Judging from the right-wing social media outrage, much of the animosity towards Casey Donovan is because she is Aboriginal, or an out lesbian, or both. It sure can’t be about her voice because there ain’t no one can either sing or sell a song like Casey.

I Touch Myself

But if Casey wasn’t enough, Courtney Act took to the stage in the dying hours of 2022 to throw shade that rippled across every sweeping plain of this wide, brown land.

Courtney announced she didn’t want to cause moral panic by reading a children’s book. And then sang the Divinyls classic ‘I Touch Myself’, triggering nationwide self-abuse as phobes did something that made them feel dirty afterwards. Rarely were so many tissues and old socks sacrificed for such a worthy cause.

“The ANZACS didn’t die for this gay pride shit,” whined a poor darling who seemed convinced Australia’s war dead dedicated their sacrifice to his personal prejudices.

“World Pride is 18 Feb to 9 March – that’s the time for this to be thrown in our face,” he generously offered. That’s it, folks. You heard the man. He thinks we’re all bears. 🐻😉 We get three weeks and hibernate the rest of the year.

I get it. A handful of the people once excluded from your TV screens can seem like an invasion. But it’s their country too. Especially Casey Donovan’s. She rules. Bring on the coronation.

Change is difficult for older people. Australia introduced metric measurements in the 1970s. Yet I still go cockeyed trying to work out how many centimetres eight inches is, even when it’s staring me in the face.

But it is such a joy to watch the entitled get triggered as they see their privilege torn from their greedy, grasping hands.

Update: Despite the whingers, 3.2 million Aussies watched NYE ABC live. If you missed it on the night, check it out now on ABC iview.

Read also: Carols by Candlelight slays but the Domain? On ya sleigh! 🛷

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