Fourteen Grindr fails

Chinese Owned Grindr Fails

Poor old Grindr. The world’s leading gay hook-up app is in the news for all the wrong reasons lately.

Hook-ups gone wrong… the Chinese government perhaps spying on personal data… Let’s put Grindr back in the headlines for the right reasons — the message fails it’s famous for.

We all know size matters. We need to know the dimensions of things. Do I want small, medium, large or supersize? Is that enough meat? Will that eggplant fill the spot?

On Grindr, of course, size really matters. Nevertheless, despite the app’s ability to measure the distance to a particular profile to the nearest centimetre, not a single person among the millions of users seems to have an accurate idea of how long eight inches is.

Indeed, eight inches on Grindr is only four on a ruler. Nevertheless, some people never give up. Size queens, I believe they’re called.

Big Cock Grindr Fails

Some people of course, don’t worry about asking for dimensions. They simply demand visual evidence. However sometimes either they can’t spell or autocorrect becomes auto(in)correct.

Grindr duck pic

Is it always a fail though? We should remember other people may have differing interests. Perhaps some people find sitting on a big deck appealing or would get off on giving your wood a polish.

Deck pics grindr fails

Back to size however, and it’s good to see that even amidst the grief of a family tragedy, some Grindr users remember their priorities.

Sad time Hung Grindr fail

Some users do have unrealistic expectations of the ability of the human penis. That organ is undoubtedly a remarkable thing.

It can take one hell of a battering. Penises (or penes, according to some, and penii to others) get kicked on the sporting field, groped and squeezed on a regular basis, jammed into tight underwear, subjected to the horrors of the ‘tuck job’ and stretched within an inch of their lives in vacuum pump enlargers.

They are pierced, plucked, tattooed and cathetered. Yet the poor thing still manages to work as a delivery system for propagating human life.

The penis can also expand rapidly as it stiffens but despite all those abilities, one thing the penis can not do is tailor its dimensions to the individual occasion.

One thing many Grindr users believe can be tailored to the requirements of individual occasions is themselves. Some will happily become whatever or whoever their target desires.

“How old are you?”

“How old would you like me to be?”

Shape shifting does occur on hook-up apps — mainly because of photoshop fails — if you’re going to suck your gut in digitally, beware of nearby furniture and fixtures.

Some Grindr users boast of amazing, indeed, almost superhuman abilities.

Others have rather individual fetishes.

Some are possessed of exquisite manners.

Others, not so much.

Some users are generous.

Some are witty.

And others still, remain very focused on their goal.

But just remember — the sexiest thing you can promise on Grindr — the magic words that will bring men flocking like bees to pollen: “I can host.”

QN Magazine | For the latest lesbiangaybisexualtransgenderintersex and queer (LGBTIQ) news in Australia, visit Check out our latest magazines or find us on FacebookTwitterInstagram and YouTube.

Destiny Rogers

Destiny Rogers embarked on her career in the media industry immediately after high school, initially joining Mirror News, which later evolved into News Ltd. She fondly recalls editing Ian Byford's 'Passing Glances: A History of Gay Cairns' as one of her most fulfilling projects. Additionally, Destiny co-researched and co-wrote 'The Queen's Ball', chronicling the history of the world's longest-running continuous queer event. Her investigative work on the history of Australia's COON Cheese and Edward Coon culminated in the publication 'COON: More Holes than Swiss Cheese', a collaborative effort with Dr. Stephen Hagan. Destiny's journey at QNews began as a feature writer, and she was subsequently elevated to the role of Managing Editor of QNews Magazine in 2018. However, in July 2022, she decided to resign from this role to refocus on research and feature writing. For contact, please reach out at

QNews, Brisbane Gay, App, Gay App, LGBTI, LGBTI News, Gay Australia