Forget science. Preacher says cunnilingus causes COVID-19


cunnilingus pat robertson covid-19

One of America’s most influential religious figures, former presidential candidate Pat Robertson claims cunnilingus causes COVID-19.

Pat Robertson avoided the word ‘cunnilingus’. It seems it was at the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t quite get his mouth around it.

Ladies’ private parts

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“Some of these young uns are doing all kind of unnatural things with their sex organs.

“When people do that they transfer all kinds of chemicals from ladies’ private parts and that’s where I think the virus came from.

“We never had this kind of thing when I was coming up. But no one was committing oral sex back then.”

We don’t know when Robertson ‘came up’ but graffiti at Pompei documents people performing oral sex 2,000 years ago.

For even more ancient evidence of the practice, Preacher Pat need only turn to his bible.

The Song of Solomon celebrates sexual love with particular mention of the joys of cunnilingus.

“Your channel is an orchard of pomegranates with all choicest fruits… Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits…”

Robertson often speculates on the causes of disasters. He blamed 9/11 on witches and lesbians. Of course, old men have laid the blame for disasters on women since the Garden of Eden. If the gays didn’t do it, you can always be sure women and their wicked ways were to blame.

Predictions

Robertson also enjoys renown for his frequent predictions.

He predicted the end of the world in 1982, the nuclear attack on the US in 2007, the nuclear war in the Middle East in 2008 and Mitt Romney defeating Barack Obama in the 2012 presidential election.

Readers may not recall those events because, in fact, none of them came to pass.

While Robertson speaks of ‘ladies’ private parts’, he puts us in mind of a ‘gentleman’s private parts’.

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Less cultured readers may be familiar with the term dickhead.

Robertson’s ridiculous quackery comes just a week after another preacher who dismissed the seriousness of the pandemic, died of COVID-19.


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