Look Ma, No Cavities: 1970s Jizz toothpaste


jizz semen toothpaste

In October 1973, a New York newspaper reported on the cover-up of research that showed jizz toothpaste – or toothpaste containing semen — led to 50% less cavities.

50% less cavities

In 1973, New York gay rights publication 5th Freedom reprinted an article from a publication called Morning Glory.

“Those of you who have read the recent issue of the JOUR­NAL OF THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF DENTISTRY might have no­ticed that there were five missing pages. The missing arti­cle contains the report on tooth decay by Dr Derbert Fieser of Greenwich Village, New York City.

“He divided his non-gay patients into two groups. A control group had their teeth brushed with a regular commercial brand of toothpaste. A test group had their teeth brushed with semen samples.

“After five months, Dr Fieser examined both groups. Those to whom he had applied the semen had 50% fewer cavi­ties. The doctor tested his homosexual patients and dis­covered that the enamel on their teeth was actually harder than normal.”

Salient, the student newspaper of the University of Wellington in New Zealand also reported on the research with quotes from Dr Fieser.

“I could find nothing in common among these men except for their homosexuality. Nothing in diet, frequency of brushing, or brand of toothpaste established any pattern among the patients.”

Well, we know what this all adds up to.

Dr Feiser thought these patients had the best teeth he’d ever cumm across.

fake news jizz (semen) toothpaste

Semen toothpaste

There is, after all, a very strong chance Dr Feiser’s research cannot be trusted.

Turns out every report on his research originated with an original semen toothpaste article published in the April 1972 edition of the Berkeley Barb.

“Look Ma! No cavities.”

The Berkeley Barb was an underground counter-culture newspaper. ‘Personal’ classified ads provided the paper’s primary income.

The paper once made up a story that smoking dried banana skins produced an opium-like high. Mainstream papers fell for the bluff and bananas sold in record numbers. Millions of Americans toked on dried banana skins in search of an elusive new high, forcing the Food and Drug Administration to issue official advice against the practice.

fake news semen toothpaste
Berkeley Barb, 7-13 April 1972. Page 10.

Dr Derbert Feiser

So who was Dr Derbert Feiser?

Well, he does not show up anywhere other than in articles about semen toothpaste.

And his name is a bit suss. It sounds like something Endora made up for Samantha’s husband on Bewitched.

And in light of Berkeley Barb‘s anti-Vietnam War stance, Fieser’s surname deserves attention. Notably, it was a Dr Louis Fieser who invented napalm, the devastating incendiary deployed by the US against Vietnamese citizens.

So, Fieser was a name the paper would take delight in mocking.

Sadly, brushers… Semen Toothpaste = Fake News

To those who read the article all those years ago and ever since brushed their teeth with semen toothpaste, QNews can only apologise we never exposed this fake news earlier.

We do hope, however, that you derived some benefit from those decades of devotion to your oral health.

But did you want bigger boobs?

Alt-right meatless myths: Whoppers grow knockers.

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Destiny Rogers

Destiny Rogers embarked on her career in the media industry immediately after high school, initially joining Mirror News, which later evolved into News Ltd. She fondly recalls editing Ian Byford's 'Passing Glances: A History of Gay Cairns' as one of her most fulfilling projects. Additionally, Destiny co-researched and co-wrote 'The Queen's Ball', chronicling the history of the world's longest-running continuous queer event. Her investigative work on the history of Australia's COON Cheese and Edward Coon culminated in the publication 'COON: More Holes than Swiss Cheese', a collaborative effort with Dr. Stephen Hagan. Destiny's journey at QNews began as a feature writer, and she was subsequently elevated to the role of Managing Editor of QNews Magazine in 2018. However, in July 2022, she decided to resign from this role to refocus on research and feature writing. For contact, please reach out at destinyr@qnews.com.au.

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