Does President Unfloppable’s Viagragate expose a secret weapon?


Viagragate president unfloppable

Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro faced hard questions this week over the country’s ViagraGate scandal. Ironically, the president likes to refer to himself as ‘imbrochável’ or ‘unfloppable’. Critics demanded to know why President Unfloppable’s administration spent a fortune on impotence pills, prosthetic penile implants, lubricants and botox for the country’s armed forces.

According to Brazil’s FLASH Magazine, the military spent over $1,000,000 on prosthetic penile implants measuring from 10 to 25 centimetres. They also spent over $150,000 on botox. While the cost of the Viagra remained undisclosed, sources said the military paid 143% above the market price.

Rio congressman Marcelo Freixo described the administration’s hardon for Viagra as an erectile outrage.

“The Bolsonaro administration dallied over buying Covid vaccines but approved the overpriced purchase of 35,000 Viagra pills for the armed forces.”

Secret weapon

Ciro Gomes, a potential opponent of President Unfloppable in October’s presidential election, said the purchase would demoralise the Brazilian military.

“Unless they’re able to prove they’re developing some kind of secret weapon – capable of revolutionizing the international arms industry – it’ll be tough to justify the purchase of 35,000 units of an erectile dysfunction drug.”

Armed forces spokespersons claimed military doctors used the Viagra to treat pulmonary hypertension. However, that rare disease affects young women much more than young men.

The army also justified the expenditure on Botox saying it did not purchase the wrinkle treatment for aesthetic purposes. But notably, some of the purchases of Botox vials occurred at a military hospital often used by President Unfloppable himself.

Bolsonaro told a meeting of evangelicals on Wednesday that the media was making a big thing out of nothing.

“We take abuse every day from a press that acts in very bad faith and is ignorant on the matter.”

But the satirical news site Sensacionalista suggested another reason for the purchase by the authoritarian President Unfloppable.

“Some say these pills are to help the armed forces f_ck democracy even harder.”

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