Cum all ye faithful: heritage listed x-rated church porn


x-rated church porn
Image: Reddit

X-rated church porn went viral this week when Reddit users discovered an ancient dick pic. Hidden in the rafters of Hereford’s All Saints Church, is a carving of a naked man with his ankles up around his ears, a woody, and his arse exposed to the congregation below.

Scroll down to see the image in its full glory.

The hat and vestments on the carving suggest the figure depicts either a bishop or monk, adding new meaning to the expressions ‘Bashing the Bishop’ and ‘Polishing the Pope’.

The 14th-century artisan who carved the work hid his creation in plain sight. The height of the rafters and dim lighting kept his artwork out of the public gaze for generations.

All Saints Church was originally built around 1200. However, the church soon needed rebuilding, perhaps because of damage sustained in an earthquake. Work on the new building finished about  1330.

The building then survived for centuries without any significant structural work. But in the 1990s, the church spire threatened to collapse. To raise funds for rebuilding and shoring up the spire, the church had a new mezzanine floor built to house a cafe. The combination of the raised floor and new lighting installed for the cafe brought the carving into view.

Originally the cafe owners spotlit the carving. A local vicar even suggested selling postcards of the image. However, the church council disallowed that.

After a few years, the cafe turned the spotlight off and the carving receded back into obscurity.

x-rated church porn
Image: Reddit

Despite speculation the figure is merely the revenge of an unhappy workman, it appears straight out of a wank bank. The image would not be out of place advertising a gang bang vid today.

One Reddit user suggested the figure depicts a centuries-old power bottom. Others thought he might be an early adherent of Perineum sunning but that church ceiling is definitely a place where the sun don’t shine.

More X-rated church porn

X-rated church porn is not a previously unknown phenomenon. Various European churches feature gargoyles with arses bared to the public gaze. According to folklore and some historians, these were the work of craftsmen getting their revenge on churchmen who failed to pay them properly.

Perhaps the most famous church-related public statuary is that of a previous Archbishop of Cologne on the local city hall. Konrad von Hochstaden is depicted standing on a platform of a male character performing the time-honoured art of autofellatio.

x-rated church porn
Image: Twitter
Image: Twitter

 

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