Crown jewels: Duke of Sussex talks penis at length


prince harry duke of sussex lovely peachy bum harry's virginity
Prince Harry

In his forthcoming memoir Spare, Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, cuts to the chase about his circumcision status in a lengthy discussion of the royal crown jewels.

Once again, we discover just how much horse shit emanates from the quills of so-called ‘royal correspondents’.

An urban legend originating in the 1990s insisted that since the time of Queen Victoria, male members of the House of Windsor were circumcised as babies by London’s chief mohel. However, according to ‘informed sources’, Princess Diana refused to allow the circumcision of her two sons. Then, more recent rumour claimed that after Diana’s death, the royals contrived a spurious medical excuse to have Willie snipped. Harry’s own penis supposedly went under the scalpel soon after.

All nonsense. There is no evidence of traditional royal circumcisions dating back to Victoria. King Charles III is cut. The long lens of a paparazzi photographer provided evidence of that long ago.

But all the rest is invention. However, the prodigal Prince Harry has set the record straight.

Harry’s chilly willy, in his own words

“My penis was a matter of public record and, indeed, some public curiosity. The press had written about it extensively. There were countless stories in books and papers (even The New York Times) about Willy and me not being circumcised.

“Mummy had forbidden it, they all said, and while it’s absolutely true that the chance of getting penile frostbite is much greater if you’re not circumcised, all the stories were false. I was snipped as a baby.”

Harry wrote of his penis suffering frostbite during a trip to Antarctica before his brother’s wedding to Kate Middleton.

“The pre-wedding dinner was pleasant, jolly, despite Willy visibly suffering from standard groom jitters.

“I regaled the company with tales of the (South) Pole. Pa was very interested and sympathetic about the discomfort of my frost nipped ears and cheeks, and it was an effort not to overshare and tell him also about my equally tender penis.

“Upon arriving home, I’d been horrified to discover that my nether regions were frostnipped as well, and while the ears and cheeks were already healing, the todger wasn’t.”

There you have it. The Duke of Sussex is cut, and he previously suffered a painfully chilly willy.

Read also: MSM sits tight on right royal pegging scandal.

Queen’s lunch date wants Meghan paraded naked thru streets.

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Destiny Rogers

Destiny Rogers embarked on her career in the media industry immediately after high school, initially joining Mirror News, which later evolved into News Ltd. She fondly recalls editing Ian Byford's 'Passing Glances: A History of Gay Cairns' as one of her most fulfilling projects. Additionally, Destiny co-researched and co-wrote 'The Queen's Ball', chronicling the history of the world's longest-running continuous queer event. Her investigative work on the history of Australia's COON Cheese and Edward Coon culminated in the publication 'COON: More Holes than Swiss Cheese', a collaborative effort with Dr. Stephen Hagan. Destiny's journey at QNews began as a feature writer, and she was subsequently elevated to the role of Managing Editor of QNews Magazine in 2018. However, in July 2022, she decided to resign from this role to refocus on research and feature writing. For contact, please reach out at destinyr@qnews.com.au.

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