Caitlyn Jenner has admitted that even though she’s never been happier since transitioning to her true self earlier this year, she still found it difficult to say goodbye to Bruce – her former identity.
Speaking with Out Magazine who recently named her as their 2015 Newsmaker of the Year, Jenner described the mixed emotions that she felt when her name and gender change was finally made legal.
“Yesterday was significant, because my name and gender change came through. Holy crap,” Jenner said.
‘Here we are – honestly never knowing if this day would ever come. In some ways, it’s a little sad. Bruce was a good guy, did a lot of good things, raised a tremendous family and wonderful kids. But I just couldn’t play that game any longer.”
“I actually cried a little bit about it,” she said. “I was on the golf course, off playing by myself. It was very exciting, but such a head trip.”
Jenner also used the interview to speak about becoming a member of the trans community – a world that was entirely new to her.
“I have been on the outside of that community, until four months ago basically,: Jenner said.
“I’ve never, ever been able to talk to anybody. I didn’t meet my first trans person until I did the show. The only connection I had was watching YouTube videos. And during the ’70s and ’80s, and even through the ’90s, there wasn’t any of that.
Jenner admitted that being new to the community has meant that she hasn’t always got things right, but has really enjoyed meeting and learning from other trans people, activists and groups, including trans youths at a summer camp.
Just like anybody going through a transition, people find it hard to make the difference between ‘he’ and ‘she’ and gender markers and name changes. It’s tough for me to realize that finally, after all of this time, I’m part of the community. People want results right now. And all this stuff takes time.”