Ask Granny: an unfaithful partner, the generation gap, DIY and Adele


ask granny

Granny answers reader’s questions, gives advice and offers must-have lifestyle tips. If you have a pressing matter that requires resolution email Ask Granny.

Unfaithful partner?

Dear Granny,

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I’ve always thought my boyfriend and I had a great sex life.

But this morning I walked into the bathroom and he was looking at porn on his phone and masturbating.

How can I stop this happening again?

Greg, Maryborough

ask granny

Dear Greg,

Learn to knock.

The generation gap

Dear Granny,

Gay millennials are very disappointing. All their nonsense about gender and identity politics and climate change and all the other social justice warrior crap.

Anon, CQ

Dear Anon,

Granny is old, but you’re obsolete – about as relevant as a floppy disk. You need to get out more. Granny suggests volunteer hours at a local museum as an exhibit. You’ll be an interesting change from the usual fossils.

DIY

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Dear Granny,

Sometimes I wish I’d married a hoarder. My wife is a DIY addict. She collects shitty old furniture from kerbside collections and ‘upcycles’ it. By ‘upcycle’ I mean, she spends all her free time sanding and polishing and painting. We could have furnished Buckingham Palace with the money she’s spent on power tools and paints – and the end result is embarrassing. I hate inviting friends over. She insists on giving them a grand tour taking in the lime green sideboard with drawers that don’t close, mismatched dining chairs that are unsafe to sit on and our bed which she made from discarded pallets. I get splinters every time we have sex.

Jane, Oxley

ask granny

Dear Jane,

Buy her a cat…

Concerts

Dear Granny,

Nobody seems to know when Adele’s next Brisbane concert will be. Do you?

Kylie, Ashgrove.

Dear Kylie,

Adele! FFS! How old are you? Why would you want to listen to all that moaning about lost love? Someone, please tell Adele there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Good name for a song that. Plenty of Fish in the Sea. Sounds like something Tay Tay would sing now she’s calmed down and stopped throwing shade at exes in every song.

Now, I don’t want to make this column all about me, but WGAF.

I want to know when Rihanna is coming to Brisbane. I’ve got a spangly g-string and tasselled pasties ready to go. Ya Granny is gunna rock.

Granny offers totally useless advice on loo seats and living with the ex.

Granny answers all your questions on coronavirus.

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