ACL: And where he goes we’ll folau, we’ll folau, we’ll folau…

folau acl
Image: ACL Facebook

Australian Christian Lobby (ACL) disciples watched in awe on Saturday as Southport Tigers King Israel Folau made his debut. However, the park footy Messiah failed to inspire converts, scoring just one try.

Israel Folau debuted for the Tigers with a purr rather than a roar. “I was just happy to blow the cobwebs out,” said the guy paid about $20,000 by Clive Palmer for the weekend outing.

Hecklers in the crowd responded to the uninspiring performance by calling ‘Do something, Israel’ and ‘Go and look for the ball’.

Footy fans speculated the star recruit’s $1.8 million contract to play in Japan from September made him reluctant to risk injury. Perhaps he had good reason. Members of the opposing team were heard referring to the occasional preacher in a most ungodly manner.

“F___ing bash — just bash the c___.”

120 pies and 60 cartons Jim Beam & Jack Daniels

The Southport club anticipated a record-breaking crowd of 2,000 to watch Folau at Owen Park. However, only about 700 showed up, despite Clive Palmer’s almost $50,000 advertising blitz. To be fair, the game had to compete with a bingo game down the road.

The club treasurer told the Gold Coast Bulletin the canteen doubled its usual supplies in expectation of big numbers.

“That would be about 120 pies, 20 boxes of chips, lots of extra soft drinks, 150 hamburger buns.”

Obviously, they had little faith Izzy would perform loaves and fishes style miracles.

But in news that we should probably keep from the ears of the famously moral Folau, other players were busy from 7 Friday morning unloading extra grog supplies.

“That’s about 60 cartons of Jim Beam and Jack Daniels.”

Lord have mercy! The club also ordered an extra seven kegs of beer. That’s the drunks taken care of. No word on what preparations were undertaken for homosexuals, adulterers and idolators.

ACL: We will folau him…

A handful of ACL supporters showed up at the match. Recently, they’ve been attending footy matches with signs asking ‘Where’s Izzy?’. For Saturday’s game, they had new signs saying ‘Izzy back? Yes!’ and ‘Folau Fan’. Folau wandered over for a pic, no doubt mindful of the $1.5 million-plus the ACL previously raised towards his legal fees.

Hopefully, they never threw out the ‘Where’s Izzy?’ signs. They’ll need them again in September. Or perhaps they could get new ones announcing his second coming. ‘He’ll be back’. Mind you, people have been waiting 2,000 years for that other bloke.

folau acl
Image: ACL Facebook

On the ACL Facebook page, supporters took little interest in the match, preferring instead to argue over whether they should support Clive Palmer’s involvement. While some offered the billionaire a ‘God Bless’, others characterised him as ‘clearly not a character that Christians should be aligning with’.

One commenter apparently mistook Folau for John Hopoate writing, “I’ve always found that when you point a finger at someone there are three pointing back at you.”

Another, referring to Palmer, reminded fellow believers that “Jesus hung out with sinners of all shapes n sizes.”


ACL head honcho Martyn Iles failed to participate in the Facebook debate. However, he is a renowned scripture wonk so perhaps he spent his Saturday night wonking.

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