By Paul Martin
As humans we are as complex as a tie-dyed bouffant hairdo on an emo twink at the Beat Megaclub. Put two individuals together in a relationship and it becomes one of the most challenging and yet most rewarding things in life.
After counselling many couples over the years one major problem we’ve seen is that couples haven’t been clear about the expectations they had for each other and the relationship. This relatively simple issue has led to the ending of many relationships that might have been very successful in the long term. It has also meant the ending of long term relationships that weren’t compatible in the first place.
Fortunately there are some simple tools that can assist. The first is to become more aware of what is important for you in a relationship and what expectations you have for a partner.
Sometimes it’s only through being in a relationship with someone that these become clear, but you can still get some clarity by doing some self reflection.
Try writing down questions and answering them. For example: “what level of communication do I expect from my partner? Given what I know about myself, is it possible for me to have a long term monogamous relationship or should I be honest about the possibility of it being open some day? What constitutes flirting when we are out? Is it ok for my partner to wear canary yellow spandex short shorts without jocks to my Aunt Margery’s 70th birthday lunch?”
The other key to having clear expectations is to learn to communicate more openly with your partner. This can be difficult if you are not used to being open about your feelings. It is worth pushing through this though, as the risks are very high if you don’t.
Follow these simple steps and it may go a long way to you having the type of relationship you really deserve.
Paul Martin is the Principal Psychologist at the Centre for Human Potential.
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