Overcoming Jealousy

Intense jealousy can create more drama than a premenstrual drag queen on heat.  This emotion has caused many Kylie DVDs to be thrown across overly decorated rooms and endless bitch slappin' sessions at the Sporties.  The sad thing is that it often results in the thing we fear the most, losing someone or something we really love.  Being the partner of someone who is jealous can feel like being guarded and possessed like an old pair of strangely alluring Dior clip-on ear rings.

Intense or irrational jealousy is usually caused by beliefs and thoughts we have in our heads.   Beliefs can include that anyone you are in love with will eventually leave you and you'll end up alone and feeling worthless.  Another belief can be that your partner must love you and only you!  This can come from early childhood where one or more parents emotionally or physically abandoned you and you felt worthless and alone as a result.

The first step towards freedom is to realise that it isn't the other person that is causing your jealousy, it is you.   You may be choosing people who you can't trust or you may  be prone to jealousy.  If your partner is running late home after an aerobics in stilettos class, or is jelly wrestling with his ex and you feel an impulse to get jealous and angry, stop and take a breath.   Ask yourself where it is going to get you if you respond irrationally!  Breathe deeply and ask yourself for real evidence that your partner is doing anything other than what he or she says they are.  Observing your irrational thoughts and feelings rather than believing them will help.  See the jealous thoughts and feelings as an expression the little kid inside of you who was somehow left alone and felt unloved.  If you find you're unable to change over time you could benefit from seeing a GLBT specialist psychologist.

So instead of exploding in a jealous cacophony of catastrophic campness, challenge yourself, stay rational, and show your partner a shiny new and secure you!

Paul Martin - Principal Psychologist - Centre for Human Potential - info@centforhumanpotential.com.au